Monkey Brain

Another beautiful day at the local playgroup

I’m having a bad case of Monkey Brain. Thoughts are jumbled and my head can’t stop buzzing. Writing it down often helps to gains some perspective. So here we go.
I started to blame my monkey brain on my yoga teacher, who has been away for the last 5 weeks. The yoga normally helps me balance and focus.
But to be honest, I have to look very closely on my priorities, I’ve taken on a lot. And I love all of it, but I was getting to the point where too much was going on to get any joy out of it.
When you feel you’re constantly rushing onto the next thing on the list. When hobbies become a job on your list, yoga a task, cooking a chore and a hobby business stressful. Constantly packing the week so full that there is no room for error, sick kids or appointments. And then your cleaner quits... Adding even more to the list. So yes, yoga surely helps a lot, but I’m doing something wrong... When was the last time my shoulders weren’t hurting?
I can’t remember...

Do I want to drop anything? Absolutely not! But my family will always hold first priority.
My ideas on expanding my hobby business might have to go on the back burner, until the youngest two are a little older. Because it’s not feeling right at the moment, how much it pains me to loose the offers and chances I’ve got right in front of me at the moment. My thoughts keep going back and forward with it, its been going round and round in my head for the last month. Giving me a tension headache and feeling tired. The fact that I need so long to make up my mind, probably says enough... It’s just not coming together right now, forcing it will only make my head hurt more.

Keen as mustard, Alex started soccer. Another drive on my taxi list, but a great place to catch up with friends.
I found I’m actually looking forward to all these hidden social moments in my week.

So I tried sticking to my basics and make sure I get enjoyment out of it. And instead of go-go-go, taking time to reflect.
I’ve taken the last week off, nothing more then the basics (plenty of those!). No granola baking, no sewing, no gym sessions, mostly playing with the kids and some staring out of the window. Reflecting. It was actually quite nice, for a couple of days. But I quickly realised, I don’t do well being idle. (My worst nightmare would be stuck in a fancy resort for a week!) But I did work out what I missed most: baking & making.

I get a real kick out of bartering with local farmers for fresh produce. Their surplus like lemons, ginger, limes, garlic, turmeric, chillies, pumpkins, rhubarb... gets turned into curry paste, preserved lemons, lime honey, sweet chilli sauce, ferments, compote. My excess then gets bartered again for more produce. It keeps me creative in using all those different ingredients and happily cooking away, filling my pantry and fridge with healthy goodies.

I’ve put an ad on the local home growers page, asking to barter for any surplus produce with my excess. I’ve had great feedback so far! We’ll see what it brings, its fun to connect with likeminded people.

Taking the dog kids for a run

I feel revived again. Once again looking forward to baking granola, just for the farmers markets and orders from friends. Creating a new one, something decadent with chocolate... A yoga session, walks with the kids/dog through the forest, my new quilt. But gentle, with pleasure, being kind to myself.

Hello 2016! My list.

We always start the year with a New Years Party, a very casual gathering with friends and neighbours. I love the Australian way of partying, everybody brings a esky and a plate along, making it very easy for the hosts to kick back as well. Bobbing in the pool surrounded with great people is a great way to start the year!
Our kids find, it isn’t a party without a watermelon monster... And seeing a similar photo from last year, and the year before, we come full circle again, a new year full of promises and surprises.

Reading around, it got me thinking again about all these new year resolutions. Always a good idea to take stock of your life, especially when its Winter and you have time to ponder on all these meaningful thoughts by a wood fire during all those long, dark nights.

Well, it’s Summer here, by now it’s the 11th of January. And I’m too busy working my evening in the garden and fire is the last thing I need with predictions of 37 degrees.
And... I’ve decided I don’t do resolutions, they make it sound like a to-do list. Believe me, I’ve got more then enough of those and there are plenty of days that I feel I’m adding more then crossing out as accomplished...
Then it’s mostly about things not to do (smoking, sugar, grain,...), or beating yourself up on all those things you don’t like about yourself (weight, arms, tummy, brain,...)

Instead, while scooping away mulch, I’ve made a list of things that make me happy, make me feel accomplished and that help me focus on the things that matter. Being kind to yourself and acknowledging that you are strong and smart and beautiful as you are. Being much more then your looks. Looks don’t show kindness, passion and creativity. A dress size doesn’t tell you how strong you are when things matter.

So for me, these are gentle reminders of how I could make the most of this year, as a happy person, who is busy with her young children but looks after herself as well.
Although it feels scary to share, here we go.

Family: go out and explore
Love: babysitters!
Children: reading books together often, the world is so much more fun with imagination.
Projects: a deck around the pool, mr handyman needs to be physical to empty his head of work.
Work: develop a new granola for Autumn/Winter, the creative process gets you buzzing.
Do another market, just for the kick.
Garden: keep planting and weeding, you love to have your hands in the soil, keeping you grounded. Sort seeds for inspiration.
Sewing: baby quilts for new cousins, the colours and creativity keep you happy and entertained in winter.
Health: keep working on the balance, aim for flow. Try out new (cardio) programs to get the endorphins bouncing, you have to really like it to keep going and for it to work. BodyBalance keeps you sane, sugar makes you cranky.
Finance: your budget works wonders and is a piece of art, talk to the accountant and financial advisor to make those savings go even further.
Kitchen: Spice up your life. Keep working on your knowledge and experiments with all these beautiful spices. It makes cooking magic.
Challenges: learn the dog a new commands, learn a new song for the flute, keep your phone is your bag during the day unless it makes noises, finish the curtains, empty the desk.
Thoughts: Unless you become a criminal, there is no need for guilt. You’re a great person, making the most of life.

When things don’t go your way...

While changing a very gooey nappy, I yelled out to the the kids:
“Grab your bags and get into the car, time to go”.

Tim: "Muuuuum, Sophie did a spew, over me. It’s everywhere and David is crawling through it!”
Needless to say, we did not make it in time for school that day. And my planning for that day got shredded.
Next day, I got a call from school. My son that went so happily to school that morning, was throwing up in the bushes. It took him 4 days, before he started moving around, without holding on to a bucket. And when they all started to get better, I got sick...

That’s two weeks ago, I’m back on my feet, finally caught up with the things that got on the back burner.
Being sick is hard when there are four young kids that need looking after, you can’t nod of with a one year old that has just learned to climb. And a two year old who likes to explore. So I would play tag with my husband, putting everyone at the dinner table and going straight to bed the moment he came home.

But being sick also has a silver lining, it gives you time to take stock of your life while you lay flat on your back. Time to think about your dreams, ideas, the things that make you happy. Sometimes being sick can be your bodies way of saying STOP!
Stop and think. Stop and take stock. Are you undermining you body?
For me it became a good time to take stock of my workload, what makes me tick, what is really important. I’ve created a new weekplanning, putting in my priorities, then filling it up with a flexible task list of the things I like to get done, but can move (or drop) without feeling guilty. Because boy, are there a lot of things to feel guilty about! An endless list and you can beat yourself up about the balls you drop (guilty!), but it doesn’t change the fact that there is only so much you can do in a day. I don’t know if it’s a mum thing, or just me, but either way PRIORITISE is my new mantra.

Sports and gardening are the things that make me tick, so they become non negotiable. Admin a manageable 1 hour block, same with cleaning, maintenance,...
What isn’t done can wait until next week.

I love making and selling my own products, but doing my own markets, that’s out for now. I just can’t bake and make enough for a market on top of stock needed for farmers markets, gym and orders (unless I want to turn in a cranky mum, permanently). New businesses and market promotors that have approached me will have to wait until our youngest two start preschool. A hard decision to make, but I’m not feeling guilty about it!

So with the new week planning in place I started this week, full of hope, lots of fun things to do with the kids and good ideas to try out.
Tim: “Mum, I’m not feeling well”...

Focus

With Tim back and Sophie settling in at school, I’m feeling a bit lost, blue even.
And instead of picking myself up and going on with our routines, minus one, I’ve been trying to take stock. The last two years have been chaotic and busy. Little babies that hardly sleep do that to a person. I feel like I get nothing done, forever stuck in doing housework, school runs, feeding, homework and kids activities. That’s not meant as a whinge, it just means I’m busy with four young kids. But it also means I’m lousy with priorities and that I need a kick under my bum!
While staying kind to myself after another broken night.

What helps (for me)? 
* Turning off the computer in the morning. Only turning it on again after dinner, when the kids are in bed, or on the planned afternoons to get some work done.
* A reminder list on my phone and a to-do list made up in the morning. Keeping my head from overflowing, making my planning and routes through the days a lot easier. You get more done with the less fuss.
* No sweets in the house other then fruit, they slow you down and make you grumpy!
* I’ve got three friends with 10 kids, homeschooling them. Just having a look at their day, is enough to get some Perspective, when I’m having a bad day.
* Drinking plenty of water. Tiredness, headache and dizziness are all signs of dehydration. I have to keep reminding myself to drink, lots, constantly lugging bottles with me so I’m never without water.
* Sports. Get the blood going, keep your strength up, meet some other people. Doing it by myself doesn’t work. As you might have noticed, I put myself second place to the kids, there is always so many other things that need doing.
I’ve started a group class, just twice a week. They’re enjoyable and very social, you work with a set time and they come with childminding.
The gym I used to go, does mostly cardio based classes. They were great a couple of years ago, but now my mornings are adrenaline based enough. I do miss my yoga classes since I can no longer bring kids along, but have found a gym that does BodyBalance. Relaxing, building your balance, flexibility, strength, focus and breathing. You still get a good sweat going, get those muscles working. But you end with a sigh of contentment and a lot more focus for the rest of the day.
* Daycare. With no family around and a fulltime working husband, it makes it possible for me to go to the dentist, optometrist, hairdresser, accountant,... without a tow of kids. I’ve got Alex in with a family daycare mum once a week. He loves her dearly, and the other three kids she cares for. With us speaking Dutch at home, it’s also helps a great deal to improve his English. David won’t start until he’s weaned and walking. It gives me some time to do some work from home as a bookkeeper.
* Get out of the cave, that you often find yourself in with little kids, social interaction is too important or you end up with verbal diarrhoea... Internet is great, you can meet many fantastic people, but it shouldn’t come instead of live human contact. For me, the easiest way to get social is playgroup. A safe place for kids to play together and parents to meet.
* After the first three months with Alex, my husband arranged for a cleaner to come every fortnight. I just wasn’t coping, while my husband was slowly getting crazy in the piling up mess. It still leaves me with laundry, cooking, cleaning, vacuuming,... But at least the big things like mopping, cleaning bathrooms, windows, vacuuming the whole house, cobwebs and blinds gets taken care off.  And even though it doesn’t last very long, a tidy house is truly relaxing... Although I still feel funny about it, at this stage, the luxury is worth my sanity.
* Focus on one aspect for the day. Something that you start and finish (!), the feeling of accomplishment will make your day. Make the tasks small and doable. One block to quilt, one garden bed to weed, a bike ride, archiving that wobbly stack of paperwork one handful a day, making a loaf of bread, baking a cake. Just one thing that combines pleasure and need. Some days will be too busy to add things to, but when some spare time creeps up at least it doesn’t get “wasted” on watching cute and funny animal videos on Facebook, or looking at all those gorgeous craft projects on Pinterest that you never get around making. Because well... you’re too busy gathering them...
And before you panic not knowing where to start, there is just too some much you want to do and can’t choose. I’ve done this before with weeks. For now, I’ve given each day a focus in my calendar. Monday=Gardening, Tuesday=Shopping/Sorting/Sewing, Wednesday=Cleaning, Thursday=Cooking/Baking, Friday=Admin.

These youngest two are so much fun. Both on the move and discovering the world around them fully amazed. Bugs, lizards, swimming, jumping, music and new heights make them incredibly happy and tired enough for an afternoon nap. Giving me a little bit of time for myself.

Bad habits

With Alex in something that resembles a routine I've slowly started to crawl out of the survival mode. Time to stand still, take a deep breath and look around at the damage.

I'm proud of myself of all the good habits that have survived, those that didn't have to be rebuild. One step at the time. But where do you put yourself on a very long to-do-list?

What is the right decision when having to choose swimming lessons for Sophie or my yoga class?

How much can you give up without loosing yourself?

The rowing and the cardio classes had to go when I fell pregnant. The flute lessons went when we had to tighten the budget, the quilting classes went when Alex turned into the milk monster. The yoga is all there is left, if Alex falls asleep I even get to stay for the relaxation.

Yep, I have three happy, healthy kids and I'm nagging I can't have it all...

What I really should do is go for a walk every day, do some yoga by myself. But in between school runs, cleaning and organising it just falls between the cracks. I do better with group pressure.

Longingly I look back at the time just after Sophie was born, I was doing yoga three mornings a week at the beach with a lovely group of ladies, taking the kids with me. Every morning and afternoon we went for a long walk with the dog, I was so fit. But this is now, this is different, I still need to make it work.

First step was to get rid of my most persistent weakness: sugar.

I crave sweets when I'm tired, anything to boost my energy. It doesn't really matter if it is home made, organic and such. Too much is still too much. And the sugar low is still a bitch...  And it keeps setting me back. So I'm cutting it out, no more baking. Monthly grocery shopping after a good sleep and meal, what you don't buy you can't eat...

I've only been going for a couple of weeks, but already I feel so much better, much more energetic. And that's where the craving for something more physical is probably coming from.

Gardening has been put on the slow burner. The chooks have been set free to many times in the last two months, digging up all my precious seedlings and uprooting plants. It's heartbreaking and demotivating. We're working on the cause (a neighbourhood dog on a diet, hunting for scraps), until then should flow with the slow growing time of the year and do something about all the grass invading, get more wood chips, mulch for the fruit trees. Hard work, it should make a lot more sense then a trip to the gym.

I love being a mum, there is no other place I want to be right now then home with my growing kids.

But... I'm restless, I need projects to keep my brain occupied or it's getting bored. Difficult to get bored when your to-do list is a couple of pages long you would say, but how many brains cells do you use for hanging up the washing, ironing, cleaning, mowing,...? So, I have to put projects on the to-do-list as well. Sewing a quilt for our bed is work too, just a more creative kind.

So, I've poured out my heart, thanks for listening.

Let's go for a walk Sophie and Alex, but let me put the washing machine on first, oh Alex is hungry, have the chooks been fed already? And why doesn't this post want to align like it should?!?

Frustrations

I have many interests, in a perfect world I could give them all a 100% of my full attention.

The garden, crafting and reading with the kids, the many sewing projects, cooking and baking, doing yoga, having a social live, the bookkeeping, going for walks, volunteering for playgroup and preschool, reading books, photography, doing research and writing the blog. And preferably doing it all fully dedicated, while also keeping the house picture perfect. Sound familiar?

Well, I'm no super woman and I struggle to keep the balls in the air, I get frustrated and loose the joy all these projects could give me. So I stop, exhausted, do nothing at all and get cranky at myself (and everybody else around me), while housework and projects hauntingly stare at me.

I've tried to set up routines in my calendar, having set times for every task, for projects, but it becomes just that: tasks. I might keep it up for a couple of weeks, but then it starts to drag, I just don't to well with routines and although everything gets some attention this way, nothing my full attention that makes the end result satisfactory. More frustrations!

For the last two months I've been trying out something new. 

I call them focus weeks. Every week gets another focus.

This week I have an admin week, working on the big pile of paperwork that needs archiving, checking on insurance policies, putting through various claims, doing tax, making a check list for the accountant.

This week is all about paperwork, policies and money, not everyones favourite subject, but it's rewarding to give it my full attention, I feel in control.

Next week is gardening week, I make sure this one falls together with 11 days of planting in my lunar calendar. Complete focus on the garden, planting out seedlings, mulching, fertilising, weeding, building trellises and taking care of the little veggie garden at preschool. A week well spend, the garden looks healthy and well cared after a week like this, there is a lot of pleasure to be found in that.

The following week is sewing week. I can leave my machine out for a whole week, not needing 15 minutes to get everything out and working out where I was.

Then there is also the monthly fitness week, doing an hour of yoga every day, going for walks, swimming.

Some focus weeks return monthly, other do every quarter like the admin week, the cooking week, the cleaning week. Really, cooking and cleaning only every three months???

Well, not really, I still incorporate that in every day, just like my rounds through the garden while feeding the chooks, making bread, yoghurt and baking, still have yoga every Monday, sewing classes every Tuesday, swimming every Friday and my 15min of admin on Saturday morning. I might still do some sewing throughout the week, sew some seeds, do some extra cooking. But make sure that the theme of the week gets priority and full attention, the rest is for fun if I have extra time and feel like it. So a cleaning week is more like a Spring cleaning: sorting cupboards, cleaning the car, decluttering, washing windows.

A week is just long enough to get a project done satisfactorily, without it becoming a drag. And for the first time I can look at projects around me and know that they will get done, just not that week, so at last I don't longer feel guilty about it.

For a non organised person like me, so far, this is as good as it gets.

Getting organised, by the moon

I like to be organised, to be able to cram as much as possible in a day. But ever since the kids have been back to school, we’ve been flat out. Don’t get me wrong, I like a busy agenda, but my garden started to suffer with my ever growing priority/task list. In the hight of Summer everything grows like crazy, which is fantastic, downside: so do grass and weeds. Staying on top of them has always been a priority, having accumulated a small snake trauma in Queensland, I like to see where I walk. But it doesn’t leave much time for growing the things you do want to see thriving. I’m getting frustrated, don’t know where to start anymore. And then I remembered: Lunatic Gardening, a time management tool that helps to structure but also gives better results. Sounds great doesn’t it?

I ordered this one: A Moon Calendar (link), just line up the day of the New Moon with the red segment. For every day of the month it will tell you what to do. Right now we’re in the 11 days of prolific growth: sow above ground crops, plant, cut, graft, divide, repot and fertilise.
Later on I’ll have days allocated for sowing root crops, weeding and preparing the soil/mulching.

The chooks have been moved this morning, leaving a perfect fertilised and mulched plot behind. They are very happy in their new spot, weeding and cleaning up. Last weeks have been hot (38C) and dry, but over the weekend it has started raining again. Perfect time to sow.
I’ve just spend an hour going through my seeds packets, organising. I’m ready for a major planting spree once the day cools of.