With Alex in something that resembles a routine I've slowly started to crawl out of the survival mode. Time to stand still, take a deep breath and look around at the damage.
I'm proud of myself of all the good habits that have survived, those that didn't have to be rebuild. One step at the time. But where do you put yourself on a very long to-do-list?
What is the right decision when having to choose swimming lessons for Sophie or my yoga class?
How much can you give up without loosing yourself?
The rowing and the cardio classes had to go when I fell pregnant. The flute lessons went when we had to tighten the budget, the quilting classes went when Alex turned into the milk monster. The yoga is all there is left, if Alex falls asleep I even get to stay for the relaxation.
Yep, I have three happy, healthy kids and I'm nagging I can't have it all...
What I really should do is go for a walk every day, do some yoga by myself. But in between school runs, cleaning and organising it just falls between the cracks. I do better with group pressure.
Longingly I look back at the time just after Sophie was born, I was doing yoga three mornings a week at the beach with a lovely group of ladies, taking the kids with me. Every morning and afternoon we went for a long walk with the dog, I was so fit. But this is now, this is different, I still need to make it work.
First step was to get rid of my most persistent weakness: sugar.
I crave sweets when I'm tired, anything to boost my energy. It doesn't really matter if it is home made, organic and such. Too much is still too much. And the sugar low is still a bitch... And it keeps setting me back. So I'm cutting it out, no more baking. Monthly grocery shopping after a good sleep and meal, what you don't buy you can't eat...
I've only been going for a couple of weeks, but already I feel so much better, much more energetic. And that's where the craving for something more physical is probably coming from.
Gardening has been put on the slow burner. The chooks have been set free to many times in the last two months, digging up all my precious seedlings and uprooting plants. It's heartbreaking and demotivating. We're working on the cause (a neighbourhood dog on a diet, hunting for scraps), until then should flow with the slow growing time of the year and do something about all the grass invading, get more wood chips, mulch for the fruit trees. Hard work, it should make a lot more sense then a trip to the gym.
I love being a mum, there is no other place I want to be right now then home with my growing kids.
But... I'm restless, I need projects to keep my brain occupied or it's getting bored. Difficult to get bored when your to-do list is a couple of pages long you would say, but how many brains cells do you use for hanging up the washing, ironing, cleaning, mowing,...? So, I have to put projects on the to-do-list as well. Sewing a quilt for our bed is work too, just a more creative kind.
So, I've poured out my heart, thanks for listening.
Let's go for a walk Sophie and Alex, but let me put the washing machine on first, oh Alex is hungry, have the chooks been fed already? And why doesn't this post want to align like it should?!?